Moments

Sometimes I am nearly brought to my knees by the love I have for Andrew. I remember once when I was telling my sister Renee' about how we were considering the idea of living child free and she said "No, honey, you can't. You HAVE to know this kind of love."
And to anyone still trying to conceive I would now say the same thing. Don't give up. Consider other means to parenthood but don't give up. Because this kind of love is different than any love you've ever known. It's deeper, it's sweeter, it's more tender. It changes your perspective on the world. It makes you fiercer but at the same time it turns you to a pile of mush. It makes you more vulnerable, but it also makes you stronger. It surprises you everyday.
This morning, Andrew was lying on the floor in his room on his quilt my friend Anna made for him, just playing in the morning light as I put diapers in his stacker, picked up dirty blankets and burp cloths and cleaned up his changing table. I looked over at him and he was looking right at me with this big smile on his face. I went to him then, because who could resist? I leaned over him and put my face close to his. He reached his little hand up and patted my cheek.
It was almost like he was saying "I love you" in baby language.
Moments like these are so special. This is what my sister was talking about.
Andrew is every dream I ever dreamed come true. He is so magical, so beautiful. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Of all the couples out there who struggle to have children, how did we get chosen for this miracle?
I feel so unbelievably blessed and it makes me feel a great responsibility to be the very best mother that I can be.