The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth...

The long awaited first tooth is finally here! It popped up a week or so ago after a couple of particularly grumpy days. There was a slight fever, an upset tummy and then, like magic, the top of a sharp little white tooth appeared.
The arrival of this tooth, has made me sentimental. Time is passing so quickly and I am beginning to grasp just how fleeting all this sweet yummy babyness really is.
A part of me is longing to stop time so that I can savor every moment of this sweet, sweet time. But then, I start desperately missing my husband and wishing I could fast forward to next year, when we're all together again.
Andrew and I have settled into a nice routine here at our new little home. We spend a lot of time snuggling and playing and learning. It doesn't take a lot of effort to keep this tiny house clean and I do my work at night when Andrew is sleeping. Andrew's newest feats are as follows: He can back into a sitting position when crawling, he can get his little star shaped spinach and apple puffs to his mouth every time (almost) with his little pincher grasp, he can make the "L" sound (as in la la la la), wave bye bye pretty consistently, play tug with Brody, and about a thousand other little things I can't think of right now. He really does learn something new everyday.
Andrew and Wyatt are starting to really interact with each other more. Wyatt just learned to say "Andy" but what he says sounds more like "Annie." It is pretty adorable.
I know I've probably said it before, but my Andrew is just the sweetest baby. He is so loving. Every morning we walk over to my parents' house for coffee and breakfast and Andrew is in the habit of going first to my mother and "loving" her and then he leans over to "love" my dad, putting his little face against my Dad's face. Of course, this just turns them into mush. He loves to cuddle up and give big wet sloppy kisses.
As for me, well, I'm trying to keep my mind off the stressful things -- like the fact that my husband is going to be gone to a very dangerous place for a whole year and the fact that our house hasn't sold. I'm going to Weight Watchers and just signed up for a Zumba class. I am trying to get back down to my pre pregnancy weight by the time Andrew is a year old. I've waited a long time to start this, but the pending deployment and the move just made it pretty hard for me to focus on myself.
One last note, I am feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. Being near my family and taking this medication my doctor prescribed for my PPD has really changed things. I was very reluctant to take the meds and didn't actually start taking it until months after it was prescribed. I wish so badly that I had started taking it back when I got the prescription. It has been a small miracle for me.
I know it's something people don't talk about because it is quite embarrassing to say that you need help and there is a whole stigma attached to depression. But, I was in quite a funk and now I'm back to being me. I will keep taking the medication because I think with Greg being gone, I am likely to slip back into depression. I don't want to be that person ever again. I like being me.
To anyone who might read this if you find yourself in a similar funk, don't hesitate. Get some help. It makes a world of difference and that is the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!

So long

It's been so long since I blogged. Seems I can only manage a post a month. Bah.
I feel bad about that. It's not what I'd pictured when I started this blog.

The long and short of it goes something like this:

Andrew is eight months old. Holy cow! I am more in love with him everyday. He crawls now -- well he army crawls. He is the fastest low crawler you've ever seen. He gets up on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth but when it's time to move, he drops down onto his belly and pulls with his chubby little arms and pushes with his little toes and scoots all over the place. He still doesn't have any teeth. I am assuming they are in there by the looks of his gums, but they are certainly taking their sweet time. He still loves to eat. We are still doing baby food but more and more he is eating table food. Or as Greg calls it "human" food, as if I've been feeding Andrew hamster or dog food for the past four months. He loves it all -- hummus, potatoes, peas, pasta, beans, fruit -- even cooked onions. He is so smart and everyday he amazes me. He loves anything with a string or tassle but his favorite thing is to pull my hair. He says "mama" "dada" and "papa" and makes sounds that are like "hey" and "no." He makes a sound like "eeehhh" when he fusses at Brody or at Wyatt (for some reason he loves to fuss at Wyatt).

We made the move from Louisiana home to North Carolina. My parents flew out to LA to make the trip back with me and Andrew in the van and Greg left a day later in his truck pulling the Uhaul trailer full of our stuff. We spent a night in Alabama and then another in Georgia with my cousin Amy and her family. It was a long trip, but Andrew did wonderful. He only got grumpy a couple of times and that was at the end of the day.

We got settled into our little temporary home here and it is nice. We went up to Massachusetts to visit Greg's family before he left. We tried to spend quality time together. He tried to do everything he could think of to make it easier for me.

The night before Greg left, I gave him Andrew's bedtime bottle and sent him off to put our little one to bed. After a long while, I could hear Andrew fussing so I went down the hall and found Greg hunched over Andrew's crib, patting Andrew's bottom and crying his eyes out -- his whole body shook and the tears just ran down his face. It broke my heart.

Greg has been gone almost a week. He's in training until mid-November. The good news this week is that he will get to come home during a long weekend in October -- the weekend before our ninth anniversary. I had thought we would be apart for both our ninth and tenth anniversaries. But, we will get to celebrate this one together and I'm grateful for that.

My parents and my entire family have been great. There is something to be said for having Granny and Papa so close. Andrew loves spending time with them and so do I, of course. My niece Kelli comes over to watch movies and drink wine with me and my sisters drop in for short visits almost everyday.

Our house in Louisiana still hasn't sold. We are hopeful that it will sell but we think we will eventually have to rent it out. I miss the house, but not nearly as much as I miss my husband. Home truly is where the heart is.

I leave you with one of the photographs Liz took the week before we moved. Andrew didn't want to smile for her -- which is odd since he's always smiling. But she got some beautiful shots despite that fact.

What's a house anyway?

When we first met with our realtor back in May, she took a look around the house and told us what to do before we put it on the market. The only painting she suggested was to cover the stripe in Andrew's nursery.

I can't do it. Maybe after we move and his little room is empty, his crib and his toys all packed up I'll be able to cover the stripe. But, for now, the thought of covering it up makes me feel very sad.

I waited so long to create his nursery. When I was pregnant I would sit in his room in the glider rocker and talk to him and sing to him and dream of the day when he would be a reality in my arms. His room is easily my favorite room in the house. We spend hours in there, playing and rocking and cuddling. The light blue paint color is called "subtle breeze" and it makes me think of the ocean and the sky.

This is the house we dared to dream that another round of IVF could work for us. It's the house where we mourned another failure. It's where we were when we decided for one last attempt -- an FET. I got my first inkling that it had worked when I took an HPT in our bathroom, snapping a photo of that nearly invisible pink line with my cell phone and sending it to Greg. It's the house where we rejoiced in our pregnancy and took that tenuous journey. It's the home that welcomed our sweet baby boy and where he has spent the first seven months of his life.

I have an emotional attachment to this house, despite the fact that I desperately want to leave Louisiana. I wish I could pick this house up like a turtle and move it right along with us. So many wonderful memories live here.

But, I tell myself, it's just a house. Memories live in your mind and heart, not in the four walls that make a house. Andrew will have other rooms and he will be happy no matter where we live. A house is just a house, right? Maybe this is a good luck house. Maybe the next people who live here will find a lot of joy, just as we did. A young couple came last night to take a second look at the house. Andrew was already sleeping for the night, so we couldn't leave. They are getting married in November and are buying their first home. Who knows, maybe this house will one day welcome home their new baby.

It's time for me to let go. But don't expect me to paint over that stripe.

Changes

Oh it's been so long since I blogged. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day.
Things are changing very quickly. As you can see, our Andrew is growing and changing. He will be seven months old soon. So hard to believe. He is a happy baby. He rarely cries, but makes a sound when he isn't happy that sounds like a grumpy old man. He is sitting up but now crawling yet. He has little interest in crawling. He's more interested in standing up. In fact, it's difficult to get him to sit up on his own now because he puts pressure on his feet as if to stand up and falls backward. He loves to play with a ball -- any ball -- he uses his feet to pass it to his hands and will even pick the ball up with his feet.
He and I went back to NC for a couple of weeks while Greg worked long hours as part of an inspection. I just couldn't stay here where it's so lonely. While we were gone, Greg got the go ahead for his deployment. So, when I got home, we hit the ground running trying to get the house ready to put on the market. In four days, I managed to declutter, debaby and clean this house. It's up for sale now and we've had several showings but no offers yet. Still hopeful that we'll get an offer soon.
We took Andrew to the lake while I was in NC and he loved it. Just this past weekend we took him on the nine-hour drive to Destin, Fla. which is a most beautiful place. We go there every year for Greg to play in a softball tournament. This year, we met my cousin Amy and her family there and rented a condo. We had a great time, but it wasn't long enough. Andrew loved the ocean and would laugh every time a wave would come and we would lift him up over it.
He is an easy going baby that is certain. He is natured like his Daddy, always smiling and laughing and never getting too stressed out. He is eating three solid meals a day and I have yet to find anything he doesn't like. At the beach, I fed him hummus off my plate and he LOVED it. He smiled every time I put it on his tongue. So I guess I'll be making hummus pretty soon!
He loves to jump in his rainforest jumperoo that I bought on craigslist. He also likes his walker but is still going backward not forward. He can say "hey" and has said "mama" but only when he is mad. Figures! He says "hey" quite often now and does it at the funniest times. Yesterday, he and Brody were in a staring contest and all of a sudden Andrew pipes up with "hey." I know some folks think babies his age can't say anything with meaning, but I have to disagree. Most of the time, when we go to get him out of his crib in the morning, he says "hey."
He also said it once in the middle of the night when I had put him in my bed with me at my mom's to keep him from waking up the entire house. I was trying to see if he had gone back to sleep and put my face very close to his to see if his eyes were closed and he said "hey." lol I nearly fell off the bed!
His short naps continue, but I guess I've grown used to it and I've been so busy that I haven't had time to worry about it anyway. He is a healthy boy -- he weighed 20 lb. 3 oz. at his six month check up and was 28 inches long. He wears 12 month onesies and sleepers and 9 month shorts and T-shirts. He is very loveable and his little fat cheeks were made for kissing! Still no teeth yet, but he seems to be working on it. One of his favorite things to do these days is pull on hair, glasses, earrings, necklaces, noses and lips! Ouch!
In a couple of weeks, Andrew and I will move home to NC where my dad is setting us up in a mobile home. Greg will be with us for a while and then he will return to Louisiana for 2.5 months of training before he heads to Afghanistan. I don't have to tell anyone how heartbreaking it is for me to think of a year without my husband. My heart breask for Greg for having to leave our sweet baby boy. But we will get through it with the love and support of family and friends.
Exciting news for me on a professional level came last week when my cousin asked me to do some writing for a new company he is starting. I feel like this will give me something to focus on while Greg is gone (other than Andrew, of course!).
I wish you all could see my sweet baby. He certainly was worth the wait.

Rascal

Our Andrew is such a funny little person! This is a picture of him trying to gnaw on Greg's nose. Seems he thought it was pretty funny, too.
Our baby keeps us laughing everyday with the things he does. I think he's teething right now, so that has made for some funny moments like this one. I bought him a walker last week. I know, they caution parents about walkers because of saftey hazards, but we live in a slab built house that has no steps inside or out and we live in the flattest place on earth -- not a hill around for miles and miles. So our house and our patio are pretty safe terrain. Not that he's figured out how to make it go yet -- well, he goes backwards sometimes but not forwards. He has figured out that the steering wheel toy on the walker makes a good teether. So he just sits there in his little car, gnawing on the steering wheel and it plays music everytime he bites down.
I went out with a friend last night to dinner and then to a painting class. It was pretty fun and I left Andrew with Greg. I wasn't very worried since Greg always helps me put Andrew down for the night and knows our bedtime routine by heart. But I did miss giving my sweet baby his goodnight kisses.
He is trying his best to sit up, but he's very unsteady and falls over easily unless we prop him up or give him some help. He will get up on his knees when on his tummy, but usually prefers to roll to his back. Three times yesterday I could have sworn he said "hey." He is such a little wonder!
Andrew is very a loveable baby. He is just a cuddle bug! He loves to be kissed and to "hug" by laying his head against mine. He is just the sweetest baby in the world.
How'd we get so lucky?

Limbo

We're still in limbo here, waiting to see if Greg is really going to deploy or not. We're not likely to know until mid-July. This has made for many a sleepless night for me lately.
Andrew hasn't been keeping me awake. He's still doing great with his night sleep. But I've been tossing and turning -- I can't shut my brain off when I lie down. So many things have been going through my mind. How are we going to get the house ready in time to put it on the market? Will we be able to sell the house? If we can't sell the house and we're stuck with a mortgage what are we going to do -- rent it out? What if something goes wrong, I can't run back to Louisiana to take care of it. How am I going to survive a whole year without my husband? How is he going to survive being away from Andrew that long. Andrew will be almost 2 years old when he gets back. So much is going to happen and Greg is going to miss it all. And, the most worrisome thought -- the one I try to push out of my mind -- what if something horrible happens to my husband over there?
My parents have offered to set Andrew and I up in a mobile home next door to them if Greg leaves. This will be perfect because we'll have a space of our own, no rent to pay and all our loved ones just a few steps away. I'll be able to save a lot of money for our next house. And a part of me is really looking forward to all of that. But Greg won't be there and that makes my stomach ache.
I know time goes by fast, but a year (well, actually more than a year with the training added in) without Greg will no doubt be a long hard year. I wish we just knew one way of the other. We've spent the last nine months or so worrying over this deployment and now that it's only a couple of months away, I just wish a decision would be made and we'd be able to start moving on in one direction or the other.
No, this post isn't really about Andrew. But, this is what has been on my mind lately.

Five months

Sweet Andrew,
You are five months old! Just between me and you, I think you are starting to look more like me as you get older. I used to only see your Daddy when I looked at you, but now I catch glimpses of myself in your big blue eyes. I like that.
You are so precious these days. Of course, you always have been, but now you are starting to interact more and more with the world around you and I love how you are becoming this inquisitive, funny, loving baby.
My favorite thing about you at this age is how you put your head on my shoulder or my chest while you pat me with your chubby little hand. I just swoon everytime. It gives me so much happiness.
You wake up smiling these days. You are a world champion overnight sleeper. You usually go to bed between 5:30 and 6 p.m. and you usually sleep until 6:30 a.m. You don't have to be fed at night. On the rare occasion that we hear from you during the night, it's usually just a sleep cry (or sometimes a laugh) and you settle down quickly and return to peaceful slumber. We are eternally grateful for this!
You aren't such a great napper. You usually take four brief naps during the day, some as short as 20 minutes and some as long as 45 minutes. This doesn't give me much time but I'm learning to just go with it. Right now, you tend to get a little crabby in between your naps. I'm hopeful that in the future you will begin to nap longer and that those naps will give you the rest you need to be happy when you're awake.
You have started eating solid foods twice a day. You really love to eat! No surprise there! You love to feed yourself these baby rice cakes that probably taste like cardboard. I have tried all your baby foods but didn't have the courage to take a bite of that rice rusk. I'm pretty sure it tastes a lot like a communion wafer. Yuk. But you love it! You cry when your bottle ends. You cry when your baby food ends. You cry when your rice cake is gone.
Otherwise, you are a pretty happy boy. You love to watch Brody and you like to get your hands on him. You love anything that is musical -- a toy, the radio, the television. You sometimes enjoy watching Barney on TV when he is singing but you turn away when the music stops. There is a show called Super Why that has a little princess on it. You laugh out loud at her sometimes.
Not that you watch a lot of TV. You are usually playing with your toys or interacting with me. You still like your swing, but I'm afraid you're about to grow out of it. We just bought you an outdoor swing, but your dad hasn't put it up yet. I think you are going to love it.
You're a big boy. You wear 12 month size footed sleepers and 9 month body suits. You have nearly outgrown your infant car seat, but we have been reluctant to move you up to the convertible car seat because you can't sit up by yourself yet and I'm just not quite sure of what to do with you when I go shopping or to a restaurant if we don't have the portable car seat.
You laugh out loud at some point nearly every day. But it is odd what you find funny. Daddy is pretty funny. Brody is hilarious. Mommy is not very funny at all though she tries really hard to make you laugh.
You find some words or sounds pretty funny. Words that start with the "Z" sound usually get a smile from you, so we often say things like "zebra," "zuchinni" and, your dad's favorite, "zipper head." You also like the "p" sound like in the word "hop" or "flip flop." I think you take after me -- you like words and you like music.
You have started making a very high pitched squealing sound and your dad tells you it sounds like a girl but I think it's a beautiful noise! Everyday, I say "mama and dada" to you in hopes that you will mimic me, but no luck so far.
You don't see a lot of other faces, but when you do, you smile and coo and are usually pretty happy. I know this will soon change.
You can roll now, both ways but you tend to get stuck on your tummy when you're sleeping and you will scream bloody murder. So, we have started sleeping you in your sleep positioner again so that we all get our rest. Soon, I think you will become accustomed to being on your tummy and you might even turn into a tummy sleeper like your dad.
You have started to move around quite a bit on your changing table, so I have tried to make it more interesting for you. My friend Anna once gave me a "feel good" button that sings James Brown's song "I Feel Good." We play it while you're getting changed or dressed. You love it!
You spend your days playing, eating, catnapping and cuddling. You are a beautiful boy. Everyday with you is a blessing and I thank God for you all the time. I am so thankful that you are here, that you are happy and healthy and that you are you.
Each day, I fall a little deeper in love with you. I can't wait to see what this next month holds in store for you, my sweet baby.
Love,
Mama